Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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