My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
