I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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