So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
