my phone needs a breathalizer
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
