This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
