Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
