On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
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heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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