when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Houston, we have a squirter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
