Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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