Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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