I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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