How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
