So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
