Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
love makes seman taste better
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
