i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
