We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
