True but thats because hes a fetus.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
