Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
