Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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