i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
