to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
