My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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