apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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