I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Rumble strips road head = magical
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
