you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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