I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its not stalking. its research.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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