you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize