True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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