sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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