I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
