Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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