Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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