I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How does it feel to date your dad?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
