I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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