Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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