so that wasnt chicken after all
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
