Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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