I'm jealous of your bromance
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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