note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
