Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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