I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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