I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize