did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
