I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
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She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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