did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
