i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
