you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
