Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
