I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
