I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
