I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
