Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm like, not good at living.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
