Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
