you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
