I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
