well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
