What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
